December: A Time of Pause and Reflection

December has always been the month I look forward to. It’s the end of the year, a time to pause and reflect—whether the year was good or bad. There’s something about January lurking around the corner that brings hope for a fresh start, a better situation, or even just a reset. December, for me, has always felt like a pause month, where people excuse everything with “Oh, sorry about that, just getting ready for the holidays.” You know the usual talk.

Even before I had kids, the busyness of getting ready for the holidays consumed me. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that December isn’t always joyful. For some of us, it comes with heaviness—grief and memories of what’s been lost.

Loss and Legacy

In December 2001, my paternal grandmother passed away. Her birthday was in mid-December, so instead of being weighed down by sadness, I focus on celebrating her life by doing something in her honor. She left behind a legacy of love and strength, and remembering her brings me joy.

But three years ago, December took on a different weight. My cousin Cristina, just 26 years old, passed away unexpectedly. She was a mother to a 20-month-old, deeply in love with her husband, and had a life filled with so much promise. She had plans to grow her family and take care of her mom—my aunt. All of that ended in an instant.

Cristina’s Story

Cristina went to the hospital for what should have been a routine procedure to treat appendicitis. She had been in pain for a few days, and after consulting doctors and clinics, she was admitted to the hospital. They stabilized her, scheduled the surgery for the next day, and assured her family there was no emergency.

She called her mom as usual, saying, “Take care of my baby, and I’ll see you when I get home.” But she never came home.

What makes it worse is that the hospital failed her and her family. Hours passed with no updates, no communication. They were left in the dark until finally being told that she had passed away during the procedure. It was a routine surgery—how could this happen? In Peru, where this occurred, accountability and liability are far different than in the U.S. The lack of answers has left her family with a helplessness that lingers even today.

My Own Medical Emergency

In March 2023, Cristina’s story came rushing back to me when I found myself in a medical emergency. I was 14 weeks pregnant with my fourth child, and my youngest was the same age as Cristina’s baby had been when she went to the hospital—just 20 months old.

I’d been experiencing shortness of breath and upper back pain. Thinking I’d pulled a muscle or caught a bad cough, I went to the hospital expecting antibiotics and a quick return home. Instead, I was admitted to the ICU with a life-threatening lung infection. The doctors told me that had I waited even a few more hours, it could have been fatal—for both my baby and me.

I ended up staying in the hospital for 26 days. Those first few days were terrifying. My brother and sister in law stepped in to help with my kids while my mom and dad flew in to take over. It was a moment of chaos and uncertainty that I’ll never forget.

One day, I’ll write a more detailed account of this experience. It was such a significant and traumatic chapter in my life that I’m still working through it. Healing takes time, and so does making sense of everything that happened.

The Connection to Cristina

While I was in the hospital, I couldn’t stop thinking about Cristina. I felt the fear of not making it back home to my children—a fear I don’t think she had. Her procedure was routine, something so common that no one would have expected the devastating outcome. In comparison, my situation was far more critical, and yet, here I am. Why did she have to face such a cruel twist of fate? It’s not fair.

She deserved the same routine outcome, the same chance to go home to her baby and her family. I think about her often, and I pray she didn’t feel fear. I hope she went into surgery with confidence, believing she would wake up to her loved ones. She deserved that. She deserved so much more time.

Honoring Her Memory

Cristina Alondra Davalos Alfaro, was full of life, creative, and a wonderful mother. She brought peace to her family, and she was fortunate to find love and build a beautiful family of her own. Her light touched everyone who knew her, and it still does.

For my aunt, uncle, her brother, and her daughter, December will always carry a heaviness. I pray that with each passing year, that weight feels lighter.

This post is dedicated to Cristina. Today, I’ll draw a simple illustration of her as a tribute to her memory. There’s no resolution to this grief, only the acknowledgment that it’s part of life. And through it all, we keep moving forward.